I thought very long about the title of this entry. Practical? Kindness does not begets good return? Internal war?

But none of them sounds as appropriate as this title which speaks exactly how I felt right now. I truely got no reason to smile. Im facing a big problem much sooner than I thought. And I got back my Transport management test paper today. Not very good. I feel very unfair for many many reasons which I hope I can rant out here. It's maybe because I didnt put in enough effort but the worst case of unfairness is ... ... Urgh! I shall swallow them down and be strangled by my own bitterness.

Tan Poh Chuan brought a BIG news today. He wanted us to choose our project mates for major project. Instantly, the whole course looks like they are having an internal war affairs. During this period of time, it's so best to see the most ugly side of the person. Because nobody wanted to end up with frequent free loaders, most people are "scouting" their group mates. Some ditching their own clique. I know the best morale of the story that kindness doesnt begets good returns. In fact, I had been getting frustrated with myself for the first term for landing myself into so much unneccessary troubles just to help people. (Stuffing sorrows again) I was tempted to be just as practical. Afterall, im a human. Not god nor angel. But I just cant cross over my integrity wall.

I hate myself sometimes. Sometimes for not thinking for myself. I had been so clueless and aimless right now. My laughter for jokes is short lived. Even when I laugh, I been thinking about my dilemma. It's kind of driving me crazy. What should I do?? Can anybody guide me?? =(

Im really unhappy. Tomorrow's school will be like hell since people will continue their hunt for group members. One day this issue isnt solve, im going to ask somebody to kill me.