The person mentioned in my last post will cease to exist in my life. I dunno why I can be with him for so long when he's such a sucky person. He expected that for everything that he requested, I have to help him. But when I need him, he's always not there. And when I cant help him, he fucking wun understand and said I dun want to help. Seriously, CANNOT and DUN WANT are a way lot different terms. Since he cant understand and act so selfishly, I wish he will not appear in my life to disrupt me anymore. I need someone who can take care of me and vice versa. Not just one way flow where im always the one who do the taking care job.

Goodbye forever...

Dedicate this post to my jealous bf who say I never write anything about him. Personally, I really like this photo of his cuz it shows his fatness very well. When we were tgt for the first few months, he was quite skinny and it worries me cuz I quite fat. But after we got tgt, I realised his appetite is like monster and he ate a lot a lot a lot... His favourite foods are french fries and prata. He most dislike vegetables and dun even eat tofu. Which explains why he's so fat... with a big bouncy tummy which he is very proud of.

He very childish and easily jealous and angry. Always like to make stupid comment and give stupid and inappropriate ideas. Piss me off most of the time becuz im a very logical and smart person. He's also very short and didnt reach 170. So I cant wear high heel when im with him. And he's very lazy and stingy and not romantic and sel-centred...

Lol..he got sooooo many bad points..but overall, he's still quite cute cuz he looks like angry bird. Hahahahahahaahahhahahahaha.....

Think he will get angry when he sees this post. Hohoho...

120812
Really regret going to work today. Though I know I used to love going rws work, I dun anymore now. The ppl whom I knew and love working with isnt working here anymore. Worked with new and YOUNG ppl who are so brimming with confidence. The girls carried two high chairs up the stairs to prove their strength. Reminds me of the time when I just joined. But is now so sickening to me. Dunno what they and past me are trying to prove. Work so hard and in the end .... 2 plus years in rws but have seen no reward. When they need ppl, they call me. When they no need ppl, they cant wait to kick me aside. So why work so hard and harm my health for a job that is so tiring and will gain nth?

The only plus point is that I get to see the new ocean restaurant that is even yet to open to public. Took some photos but they forbid us to share online. Being useless and courage-less, I shall wait until the restaurant is formally open before I upload those photos up. They hosted American Top Model there. Maybe when it shows on tv, I can catch myself serving there. Lol.. But still.. When I saw those guests sitting there like a boss, I wonder why im not sitting there, served by other ppl as well. And so, I think I really arent suitable for this job anymore. Unless my staff card is expiring, I dun think I will go back to work anymore.

Fb changed my profile to timeline..Dun like timeline..Looks very messy and out of place. The only thing I like is probably the cover photo thingy.. Miss my old fb profile..


School starting next week.. Going back to fight war again. This time round I have to tackle 6 core modules in a sem! 5 cores and 1 elective already exhaust me.. Right now I have to do all 6 cores.. Dunno if I should really exchange 1 core for internship.

Becuz sch is starting, I have been busy with meeting up friends this week. When school starts, I decided to bi guan xiu lian! Met Yiling, Van and Hp for dinner on tue.. Met Celine, Chloe and Wp for K ytd.. And met JC cliques - Shu Hui, Holly, Ronale, Melvin, Ben, Mas and Erwina for dinner today.. Went to timbre at Substation.. Freaking hot! And the band only started at 1030.. Waited for long long time to listen to two songs. Cuz it's been a very long while since I met them (exclude shu hui and holly luh), I feel it's a bit awkward. Convo goes around "how have u been" and "what u doing". Few who started work dive into financial convo topic. Can really see what we will be chatting on two to three years later.

On a bright side, I managed to hold convo with Ben until we reached home! He stayed oppo my block. I worried slightly when I tot of walking home with him. I rem during JC times when we unfortunately took the same bus home, though it's only two bus stops, the awkward silence is enough to suffocate me. But this time, we chatted quite a lot! I wonder who's the one who changed.. =)

Next week another Primary school gathering. Imagine JC gathering is so awkward, what about Pri gathering with people whom I haven seen for 10 years? Not kidding. Im really that old to count back to 10 years for Pri sch memory. A bit dread.. But hope it will turn out well.

Haven been bloggin since dunno when. Last blog that I posted was on 2011. It's more than a year ago. And it's so freaking long... So many things had happened since then.. Pei xuan jie jie's wedding, some more semesters, winnie's wedding, taiwan's trip... Cant really rem much. But today I came back blogging, it isnt for a happy occasion.

My pek pek passed away..

I witnessed the whole process ever since he was diagnosed with final stage of cancer in the lung and liver. He had nose cancer long long time ago but was cured. Nobody expects that the cancer will return. As if one cancer wasnt enough, he had to tackle two of them..Suffered so much. Went hospital countless times. Insert tubes to draw out accumulated liquid in the lung. How painful is that?

His dismiss made me think a lot of stuff..Made me questioned the life of existence. I saw him working even when he's stricken with illness. Work and work and work so hard..Ending up with nothing but a frail, skinny body shell, weighing barely more than 30kg. It's hard to describe the feeling. I used to dislike him but when all these happened, I cant rem anything of him that I used to dislike. In fact, my heart ached on thur when I last saw him on the hospital bed. Everybody gathered around him and I guessed he too knew his time was up even though he didnt wake up once. I supposed that's what it meant by deathbed.


He left that thur night. If I knew, I probably would have stayed the whole day to see him go. It rained consecutively for two days after that. 030812.. 040812.. The wake stayed there for these two days. Even when there's sunshine, there's a shade of dull gloom hovering around the sky. I wonder if it was because my heart was gloomy too.

Funeral helpers asked us to see him one last time before they close the coffin. Everybody went in with hesitation..Came out with tears and sadness. I stranded at the entrance, crying like shit even before I went in. I simply cant bring myself to see him. My mum pulled me away before I made up my mind to go in. But eventually when the monks chanted the sutra, we followed them walked rounds around the coffin, I saw his face. I saw the familiarity and yet the unfamiliarity. Still as boney but was all dressed up, with western suit and tie. I wonder how many times did he wear tie while he's alive. I never seen him wear tie before and I never expect that the only time I saw it is when he's lying in there.


22052011..He didnt even wear tie at pei xuan jie jie's wedding. Sitting at the right is him. And it's so heart breaking to see his photo now. Feel like he's still alive but he's not...

05082012..He was sent to cremate. We all cried like shit. My dad, who had been putting on strong front, broke down too. My gu gu howled at the cremation viewing room.. "我沒有哥哥了。我没有哥哥了。。。" I have no word to describe how it feel.

They say that when a person dies, they reincarnate. But after these few days, I believe that after a person dies, they just shut down. Like a machine breaking down. But I still wish that if there's after life, he will be happy somewhere else. With my dear xiao gu who passed away for almost 5 years ago. I hate mandai crematorium. And I dun wanna be there anymore.